Leon's Journal

A Journal for Leon

            My dearest Leon, the Journey for you was a long one and a short one all at the same time. This journal I’m writing is a little different than the one I wrote for the Penguins, the embryo we adopted, and the triplets because you are the child that we get to hold in our arms every day and love on you and kiss you every day. I cannot picture any other child in our life and any other child to call us Momma and Dada.  However, it was quite the journey to get you.  Dada and I first talked about adoption when we were engage.  We talked about how we want someday to adopted along with have children of our own but was not sure how long  it would be or how we would adopted. 

            Dada and I were married in 2007 and was hoping to start a family right away. However, it took us almost eight years of marriage for you to make us finally a Momma and Dada. In 2010 we started to talk about domestic adopted but after talking to agency and finding out the cost we got scared away thinking we would not be able to afford it. Then after trying fertility treatments to have our own biological child in 2012, and found out from doctors that would never happen. We were then told about embryo adoption and decided to try that path. I think our main motivation for embryo adoption was that it cost less and there was no fear of birth parents changing their mind.  So we adopted 8 embryos that never resulted in a take home baby. After our second failed embryo transfer of the embryos we decided to start looking into domestic adoption in fear that embryo adoption would not work out for us. At that time we still had one embryo left and still wanted to move forward with that transfer while continuing to pursue private domestic adoption.

            We found out that our home study for the embryo adoption would not work for domestic adoption so we had to go through a home study all over again. In January 2014 we start to take the step to complete a home study, asking friends and family to write reference letters, getting a letter from our doctor saying we are in good health and so on. In March 2014 we had our home visit with the social worker: the same social worker that did our embryo adoption home study. It was fun having her back because there was several changes I had made to the home daycare and it was fun showing her the changes. Our home study was done in April of 2014 and it was time to make fliers and try to get the word out that we were looking to adopt. We also did a few fundraisers to help with the cost of domestic adoption. We did three yard sales along with bake sales and we sold T-shirts.

            Dada and I spend one weekend in June driving all over Washington and Oregon posting flyers saying we were looking too adopt.  We made up business cards to pass out and put up with our flyers and we mailed flyers to friends and family in other states to put up where they lived. We made a blog page and a Facebook page and posted all over Facebook. We wrote letter to Women’s Shelters and other lawyers and gynecologist and sent a letter to any place we could think of to let people know that we are looking to adopt. We worked real hard over the summer trying to get the word out and fund-raise. But we were not able to raise much money and all our hard work of getting the word out did not pay off.  We were also trying to move forward with our last embryo transfer but my doctor in Seattle was not letting us move forward at the time. While waiting I end up getting pregnant naturally with triplets but miscarried all three at 8 weeks. Then three weeks after the miscarriage, our lawyer in Seattle called and said that there was a baby girl that was born that morning and the parents were looking to place her up for adoption. Our lawyer asked if we wanted our profile to be shown and we said yes. Then the next day our lawyer called and told us they picked another couple. A month later, our lawyer called saying another baby girl was born that morning and did we want our profile shown: we told him yes. That baby was born early and had to stay in the hospital for a while, and it took her birth parents a week to decide to parent her.  Around the same time we got a call from someone that saw our Facebook page. She said she was pregnant with twins lived in North Carolina and her and the birth dad wanted an open adoption. With living so far away we did not know how that would work having an open adoption so we said no. I found out later from a Facebook group that the North Carolina birth mom was a scam, and never even was pregnant. We also had two other people try to scam us but it did not go far: one person I know right way was a scam from a friend from Facebook warning me because had contacted them first. 

            In January 2015 I was getting ready for our last embryo transfer because my doctor in Seattle was going to finally letting us move forward with our last embryo transfer with the last embryos we had left after adopting them in May 2013. There were several doctor appointment I had to get my body ready for transfer and one of the appointment was on January 15, 2015 the same day a special little boy named Leon was born.  While we getting ready for the transfer we also got a call from our lawyer that there was a 16 year old expectant mother that was due the begin of March was looking to place her  baby for adoption and he was wondering if we wanted our profile shown we said yes. Even though we were weeks from doing our embryo transfer we thought we would try for both. So on January 29^th we go to Seattle for our embryo transfer and as we walked through the door to the doctor we found out that the embryo never made the thaw: the transfer was off. The next day we got a call from our lawyer and found out the expectant mother that was due in March and picked a family with agency. Then a few weeks later we found out that our home study was only good for a year and was 2 month from expiring. So Dada and I had some thinking to do of what we wanted to about our home study.

             A little over a month later on March 8^{th 2015} we were talking together about what we want to do about our home study. It was a month from expiring and we didn't know what we wanted to do. We both told each other that maybe it was ok if we were meant to be a childless couple. We just felt like doing a private domestic adoption with a lawyer was not working out for us. For some people it works and it cost a lot less than going with an agency. And we were not sure if working with agency would work either so we thought we need to face the facts. Then on March 9^th, our social worker who had been working with us for 2 years now and knew us well called me. She told me she had a friend with an adoption agency in Missouri and her friend was look to share couples profiles to some birth parents of a 2 month old.  Leon, that little baby was you. She also asked if we want the agency info to e-mail our profile. We thought since the agency was willing to show our profile without signing with them beforehand we had nothing to lose but the hour or two it would take to transfer our profile book from Shutterfly into a word document. So we e-mailed off our profile, not excepting to hear a word. After all we were thinking it was just in our cards to be childless, and this was our last try for domestic adoption. Our profile was shown the next day on Tuesday the 10th and Wednesday the 11th we get a call from the agency saying that the birth parents liked our profile and want to meet us and only us. She then asked how fast we could get to Missouri from Washington State. As soon as I got off the phone I called Dada's School. I said that I was Sean's wife and I need to talk him ASAP. They got Dada on the phone and I asked him how fast we can get to Missouri.  He told me he would get right on that. He then text me and told me we could be there the next day. So Thursday we were on a plane and Friday, Leon, we met your birth parents for breakfast. The meeting with your birth parent went great and we talked to them for 3 hours. Then the next day, we got to meet you. We met at the agency first, then they put you in the car we had rented and we followed them to the mall. The four of us hung out at the mall with you for 4 hours. Your birth mom and I even picked out a outfit for you.

            Later that night your birth parents called us up and we went out to dinner and a movie while you stayed with your grandmother on your birth mom's side. It was good night but I was tired and had trouble staying awake during the move. The next day Sunday, March 15^th, the day you turn 2 months old, we did not do anything with your birth family or you. Dada and I wanted to give your birth family one last full day with you before you came to be with us. That Sunday night we texted Liz at the adoption agency and she text your birth parents to see if we were still on for the next day to sign parental right termination papers. On Monday, March 16th, we get a text from your birth mom 25 minutes from signing saying that your birth dad could not sign and want to find a way to still parent. Our hearts were breaking at the news. We had already fallen in love with you so much. But not only were are hearts breaking for us, we were also sad  for you because we know with all our hearts that we could give you a better life than what you your birth parents could give you. I was not mad at them; we could not be because we know that having to place a child up for adoption has to be very difficult. I could not eat anything for breakfast or lunch. Grandma and Grandpa happen to be in Cincinnati, OH, visiting Uncle David, Aunt Megan and Cousin Drew. Grandpa and Uncle David were driving to  St. Louis to pick Dada and I up because we need to return the Rental car and we not ready yet to get on a airplane without you. We thought, we would give it a few days before we flew home to Washington.  

            Well, four hours after being told that your birth parents were not sign the papers, your birth mom called and told us they were on their way to the lawyer office and ask if we could come back and get you. We were almost to St. Louis so we told her we would turn around and come back. We just know that we had to do whatever it took to get you back in our arms.

We showed up at the adoption agency before your birth parent came with you. They had to meet with their lawyer and had schedule to meet with the gal at the agency afterward, so when they showed up we got you from them. We waited for them to be done with their meeting and signed papers with our lawyer while we waited because the lawyer shared an office with the adoption agency. After your birth parents were done, we took pictures then got your car seat base and stroller out of their car. After leaving the adoption agency we had to find a new hotel room since we had given ours up earlier that morning. Grandpa Jim and Uncle David decided to come and meet you that night since they were already on the road. That night your birth parents came to our hotel and brought your clothes and some of your stuff we would be able to fly home with.  We end up shipping your stuff home.

            The next morning you had your 2 month checkup at your pediatrician in Missouri and your birth mom met us there. The appointment was made way before adoption plan was in place.  Then on Wednesday the 18 of March we went to court to be able to become your legal guardians. The gal at the agency thought that since our FBI finger prints were over a year old we needed to redo them so we could get clearance to move you out of Missouri. So Dada and I went to a place that we could do it electronically and have results and clearance within hours. We got Dada's prints back right way. However, mine where a different story as they had been throughout this whole adoption process: my prints came back unreadable. So we had to do them again and do them a third time too. Because we knew that they would be a problem, we keep calling the company to see if we needed to do them again. We did the prints three times and all three came back and the company even ran them a fourth time and they still came back unreadable.  So we went to  the State portal office and they told us all they could do was try to get me in to do a background check by using my name but that it would take 8 weeks. We were told that we could not leave the state with you until we could get my FBI background check to go through. Missouri said that they were ok with the fact my background check was 13 month old but they are afraid that Washington was not going to be ok with it. Not knowing what else to do, we e-mailed our lawyer in Washington to see if he could be of any help. He told us that Washington had a rule that the finger prints need to no more than 18 month old so we were good. Because of my fighting with my finger prints, we stayed in your birth city until Friday the 20^th . That night we drove to St. Louis thinking that we would just return the rental car and stay in a hotel in St. Louis until we were told we could take you out of Missouri. However, it turned out that I had some friends from back in college who live in St. Louis and saw on Facebook that we were in Missouri, so they offered to let us stay with them, so we kept the car and stayed at their place so we did not have to pay for a hotel.

            Then on Friday March 27^th we go the call that we had clearance to leave the state with you. However, we had a hiccup: the Missouri Child Division had been called when you where one month old. We did not know what it was about, just that there was a concern about you.  After you had been placed with us, they went back to the house to check up on you without knowing that you had been place with us and that we had court papers for you. So we had to drive you back to your birth city so they could see you in person and see your court papers. After we cleared stuff up with Child Division, we took you to Cincinnati, Ohio to meet Cousin Drew and Aunt Megan. We stayed at Drew’s Nana's house and you used Drew’s crib at her house. Because of the extra four hour drive back to your birth city, we did not get to Cincinnati until one am Cincinnati time. We end up staying and hang out with Uncle David, Aunt Megan, Cousin Drew and Drew’s nana until Thursday March 31^st because that when the cost of airplane tickets had gone down. You cried the whole flight home to Seattle. That was the only time you have ever thrown such a fit. We end up getting into Seattle really late the night of the 31^st. Aunt Tracy picked us up from the airport in our car and we took her home. We were going to drive straight home that night but the pass was closed and no one we know had a crib for you to sleep in so we had to get a hotel that night. The next morning when we woke up the pass was open so we were able to get on the road and take you home to our house. So Mr. Leon, of all days to bring you home, we got you home and April 1^st : April Fool’s day.

We had to wait 6 month to be able to finalize your adoption. We had to meet with our social worker for three post placement visits. She wrote report for the courts in Missouri to see and knew that you were doing great in our house. In that first six months, we had Meet and Greet parties for people to meet you and everyone one fall in love with you.  We face time a few time with your birth parents and you and  Momma even got to fly to South Carolina so you could meet your 5 cousins and your Aunt Karie and Uncle Steve in August. You fell in love with their cat Dixi.  After we got back from South Carolina, our lawyer in Missouri called and told me that Dada and I needed to sign papers and get them notarize so we could finalized your adoption out of court. We chose to finalize out of court so that we could stay in Washington. The judge had to wait for you to be in our house for 6 month before he could sign off on your finalization. On September 18th, 2015 while you were napping in your crib, Dada was at work teaching high school and the daycare kids where in the house happily playing, Momma got a e-mail form our lawyer that your adoption was finalized and that you legally had our last name.  

            Leon, Dad and I love you with all our hearts and we are so lucky that you are our son and that you are forever ours.

Love

Momma 

At the Airport waiting for our flight to MO

At the Airport waiting to fly home to WA

Our son

I will have to say if it was not for Infertility and our struggle we would not have our son. He is such a great baby 

At court to make him ours 

Triplet's Journal

 I wrote this Journal right after my miscarriage of my triplet but I just got it edited by a friend. I wrote this to one day share with a younger brother our sister when they are old enough 

My Dear Little Triplet.  You will always be in me in my heart and mind. To me you did exist. Just by the fact that I was able to get pregnant with you has as proved a lot.  Before you, we had gone through a lot to get pregnant.  There is a totally of seven years of trying. We did two IUI. Then moved on to try IVF and then that was when we were told I had too poor of egg quality so Daddy and I moved on to Embryo adoption. We adopted 8 embryo who I called Penguins because they were chilling on ice before we tried to transfer them in me to grow to be babies. We had 3 little penguins not make it being thawed and four little penguins that we transferred but did not take. We transferred two each time. Mommy really hopes that you are up in Heaven and are playing with those little penguin who are your adopted big brother/sisters. If you are with them please tell them Mommy loves them too and wishes she could have met them.

                At the time I got pregnant with you, Daddy and I were trying so hard to do an embryo transfer of our last embryo. We were planning to do an end of July transfer, But the doctor in Seattle wanted Mommy to do a lot of lab test. So in March Mommy started do the Lab test and some other test of her uterus to maybe answer the question of why the little penguins did not take. But the uterus test showed that everything was just fine and there was no reason why they did take. But the blood test was a different story. One of the test was to test for CMV. And CMV is common virus that 80% of people get before their 40^th birthday. Most people never know they had it and never show any sign. However when a women is pregnant and get it then it can cause great harm to the baby or babies. Well back in March they tested me and I tested positive. So they then retested May and it was still positive, so we decide that the July transfer was not going to happen and we were going to retest in July and try for a September transfer. So we retest in July and it was still positive so we then decide to test in October and go for a December transfer. We were told that the CMV virus could stay active for six month so if the October test was positive we were going to give our last embryo back.

                So the very first thought that went through my mind when I found out I was pregnant with you was the CMV and I was of so worried for you. So I ask the nurse at my Richland doctor office to please get my test results from Seattle and to please test me again for the CMV. The CMV test they ran on me was also positive so they sent me to a specialist. Because I was pregnant the specialist ran a more detailed test that showed that the CMV was never active and I never show any sign of the CMV. The reason why the general test ever show positive was because I have a home daycare and the daycare kids germs that they shared with me was showing up in the CMV test making it positive. So if I never got pregnant with you I would have never got that more detailed test. My October test would have been positive and we would have given the last embryo/penguin back.

                So little triplet the short 8 weeks that you were in me you proved a lot. You proved that there is a possibility for me to get pregnant and you proved that I never had CMV to begin with.  Daddy and I also got to experience what it was like to hear your heartbeat. So thank you so much and Mommy loves you.

                                                                The Big Surprise

On Monday August 25^th 2014, I woke up at 5:00 am to get ready for a full day back with daycare kids. Summer break had just ended and it was the first day of School and meeting and the first day to have all the daycare kids back.

             When I woke up there was just something in my head tell me that I just had to take the home pregnancy test that was under the bathroom sink.  After taking the test I was totally expecting to see one line say that I was not pregnant. Oh my big surprise to see two pink lines right away. I then crawled into bed to tell daddy to wake up and look at this test. We were both in shock to see the two lines and he told me to take a second test.

            So I wait for a few minutes then took a second test yup right away two line again. So Daddy and I deiced I better call the doctor after the office opened.

            Little triplet  Mommy and Daddy were told two years ago that Mommy could never get pregnant on her own without doctors help and with having doctors help for the last 3 years was never able to get pregnant.

            Mommy thought she would never be able to crawl in bed with a pregnancy test tell Daddy to wake up and look.

Thank you little Triplet for letting that dream come true.

Thursday August 28^th:  At the Doctors

6 weeks 0 Days

Mommy had gone to do a blood test on the 26^th but the doctors office never call to tell Mommy the results. So when I went to the doctors I was a little nervous that home test could be wrong.  Right after I checked in a nurse called me aside and asked if I had infertility problems. And I said yes we been trying for 7 years, so she then said that she was going to have me do an ultrasound.  At this time I really did not know if I was really pregnant, even thought I had morning sickness for the past three days. 

When I was called back for the ultrasound I was so scared to see an empty uterus. So right away the ultrasound tech found the identical twins babies they called B and C. (Now the first ultrasound label babies B and C differently the other ultrasound teach we saw).  The tech then said to me you know there you have identical twins. And I was like WOW I can’t believe that is true. Then the tech went on to tell me that babies B and C share a sack and would probably not make it. Then she moved over and found baby A. Mommy was so in shock that it did not sink in that there was three of you until the tech said you know it is triplets. But then she when on to tell me not to share that  I was having triplets because B and C would mostly not make it.  The tech then when on to tell me that baby A’s heartbeat was not where she want it to be.

I then went in the waiting to wait for the doctor and to text Daddy. He had meeting at school and could not come with me. So I still super shock that it was true I was pregnant. With everything we had gone through, we did not think this would ever happen. I texted Daddy: ”yup definitely pregnant with THREE.” Daddy text back “WHAT Details Please.” So I told him I have not talk to the doctor yet but the tech found three.

The nurse then call me back and she asked if I knew I had three in there. I was still in such shock that I could not answer that question.  She took me in to a room and gave me a book and asked me a lot of other health questions. After she left, a different nurse came in and told me all the do and don’ts of pregnancy. I was still in such shock that I have no clue what she told me.

After that nurse came the doctor entered. This is the doctor that did the IUI with us and knew our story.  The first thing he asked me is “how did you get pregnant?” I looked at the doctor and said I have no clue. This is the same doctor that 3 and half years earlier had told me it was his job to get me pregnant. From that point I don’t remember much of what was said, just that he want me to come back on Saturday and Tuesday that week for another ultrasound.

After I got home from the doctors, I scanned the ultrasound picture so I could e-mail them to Daddy. 

Saturday August 30

6 weeks 2 days

Doctor O called use tell us to come in to his office for an ultrasound. It felt like déjà vu and we were three and half years in the past, waiting for Dr O to call and go to his office to do fertility treatment. 

            Doctor O told Daddy that he could not even believe that I got pregnant.  At that ultra sound, we found out that Baby A and Baby C had great heart beats but he could not find Baby B’s heartbeat. So we were looking at twins for the best outcome and the worst outcome was one messy miscarriage.  He did not give us the pictures from the ultrasound that day.

            The next day was Sunday and Daddy wanted to go to Yakima and look at baby stuff for twins so we did. We went to ShopCo, and Toys R Us.

                              

Tuesday September 2

6 weeks and 5 days

When Mommy and Daddy met with Doctor O on Saturday, he had told us to come in after the day care kids had gone home.  We did not think there was any problem with that because when we were doing our fertility treatments with him, we all ways come in after the daycare kids had gone home and there was always a lot of people in the office. Dr. O told us we come as late as 7:30. Right before we got to Dr O office we stopped at McDonalds because I was so hungry. I was only 6 weeks along with you but there were three of you and you made me hungry all the time. 

We get to Dr O office at 7:00 and Daddy was eating his dinner in the car and was going to come up when he was done. As I walk in to the doctor office it is quiet and no one was there. A nurse come to the front and tell me Dr. O just got called to a deliver and was not there. She asked if I could come back on Thursday, and I said ok but I was feeling crushed that I would not get to see you that day. I was also a little upset because that day I had a 1:00 appointment that Dr. O told me to cancel.   As I sadly started walk to out the door and down the stairs to go outside to tell daddy we had to come back, the nurse called me back in. She had called the doctor and he told her that I was from Sunnyside and she need to call the ultrasound tech back in to see me.

So the ultrasound tech right away found three heartbeats.  We were back at three babies. Baby A and C were really strong but Baby B was not as good as they wanted it to be. We were so excited for A and C and very worried about B. Daddy gave Baby B the nickname of Hope because we were really hoping for B to pull through.

Thursday September 4th  7 weeks

At this ultrasound appointment we learned that Baby A’s heartbeat was 129, Baby B’s was 69 and had gone down from what it was a few days before, and Baby C heartbeat was 143. We got to hear A and C’s heartbeat but B’s was never strong enough for us to hear it. We were told that I needed to come back on Monday for another ultrasound.  Daddy had a football game so mommy had to go alone.

Monday September 8th

7 weeks and 4 days

            Since Daddy had a football game and could not come with Mommy to the doctors, I invited Grandma Charlene to come along. I thought that Grandma would want hear the heartbeat of their grandbabies.

After all the daycare kids went home, I went up to Grandma’s house and picked her up. The daycare kids had gone home early that day, we got up to the doctors an hour early. I was so excited for Grandma getting to hear your heartbeats. The ultrasound tech first let us see and hear Baby A. Baby A was doing awesome and was starting to look a little bit like a baby. Baby A, whose nickname was baby Angel and also Olaf, had a heartbeat of 156. That sounded like a great number; I was excited. Then the tech when over to B and C. I was already getting worried because we knew B was not doing very good. But I was really excited to hear what C’s heartbeat was. Then the tech look at me and said “I’m very sorry B and C both have no heartbeat.” My heart just sank: I lost two of my babies.  But I was happy to still have baby A.

Baby C’s nickname was Cougar after the WSU Cougars.

Monday, September 15th

8 weeks and 4 days

I had posted this on a Facebook group page that only people who knew about the pregnancy could see.  Daddy only told a few people about you, but I told a lot. I was really excited about you.

This what I posted on that group page before going to the Doctors: “After all the daycare kids go home tonight, Sean and I go to the dr for an ultrasound. I'm 8 weeks and 4 days today. I'm so excited to see how much baby A has grown and is starting to look like a baby but I'm still oh so nervous after last week learning that baby b and c had no heartbeat.”

Baby A made me so scared and nervous because everyone I had heard of that had miscarried was at 8 weeks or earlier. I thought if could only we get to 9 weeks, I would have nothing to worry about. 

            I was 100% sure that Baby A, who at this point I was only calling Olaf, was a boy.  Daddy and I went to the doctors for the ultrasound, and I was so excited to see how big you were. We had a different tech that night. We had the one that I had the first time I saw all three of you. She know that B and C had no heartbeat but she went to them first to just see them. All I could think was “We know that they have no heartbeats, can we just please see A?” But I was nice and just let her look. I think she just wanted to see how they had grown since the last time she saw them. She then went to Baby A, and before I can even look at you she says “I’m so sorry there no heartbeat.” I think she saw right away that Baby A had no heartbeat and she was using B and C as a distraction.  Daddy and I were in such shock. You were doing so great the week before. She then moves us to another room so that we did not have wait in the waiting room to see the doctor.  Dr. O then comes in to the room where Daddy and I were. The very first thing he ask Daddy is how is his football team was doing. Daddy look at him and said “Doc, just as good as we are doing right now.”  Dr O then ask when the last time I had morning sickness was and I said Thursday and he said to me not good not good at all. He then asked if I want a D&C so that we can test the tissue. (I did not really like the idea of now all three of you where consider tissue but in the medical world that what you were. But to me you will always be my babies.) He told me to come back Thursday to do one last ultrasound to make sure, then we would do the D&C on Friday.

 I should have noticed that Thursday, which was 8 weeks on the dot, was the very last day I felt nauseous. It seemed like on Wednesday and Thursday anything I ate came right back up.  But Friday I felt fine. I had skipped Daddy’s home football game because I was so tired at all the other games that I could not make it through any of them.  I thought I will stay home and rest. I tried to go bed early that night and I thought it was weird that I wasn’t even tired and could not fall asleep.  Since I didn’t feel sick or tired at all Friday, I think I lost Baby A during the night Thursday or early Friday.

   

Thursday September 18th

What would have been 9 weeks

     Daddy and I went to the doctors for one last ultrasound. I was dreading going all day. We get there and saw the tech that we had seen most of the time. She started the ultrasound and I told her I didn’t want to look. She told me I did not have to look if I did not want to.  She seemed to take forever because she had to take measurements of all three of you for the doctor to do D&C the next day. This felt like it was déjà vu from when she would have to take measurements of my egg follicles when we were doing IUI. The room was very quiet that night. I would look just a little when she was taking all of your measurement but I then would look away quickly. I did notice that Daddy was looking the whole time. Later at dinner, I asked Daddy why he watched the whole time. He told me that it was just like watching the film of a football game they should have won.

         After the ultrasound was done, we then meet with Dr O who first made sure we still want to go through with a D&C and not just let the miscarriage happen natural. Then he went over what the plan was for Friday and I had to sign some papers.

                                                        Friday September 19          

It was nice to be able to sleep in and not get up for daycare kids. We thought we would get to have a lazy morning. Aunt Tracy came over Thursday night. Daddy had a football game in Spokane he had to go to and we did not know if the surgery would be done in time, so  Aunt Tracy came to take me to the hospital and to take me home afterword and stay with her for the day and night.

We thought we would have a lazy morning because Dr O office told us they would call at noon to tell us when we need to get the hospital. At 7:30am my phone rang; it was the hospital saying wanted me there at 8:30am, so I told Daddy and woke up Aunt Tracy. I was a little happy the hospital called early because I had not had anything to eat or drink since midnight and I was thirsty but could not drink anything. I was little worried that Dr. O would not know that I was at the hospital and would try to call at 12 and I would not be able to answer. However, as we were walking out the door, Dr. O himself called me and told me the hospital want me come now. 

We did not know how long the surgery was going to take so we had Aunt Tracy take her own car up there in case Daddy had to leave for Spokane.  On the drive down to the hospital Daddy and I listen to sad song on my iPhone.

After the surgery, Dr O said that everything went great and we would get lab results that would tell us what happened to all three of you. He figured that you all had a chromosome disorder due to my poor egg quality and that is why all your hearts stop beating. Mommy would meet with the DR O on her birthday to go over the lab results.

I’m sorry to have to say goodbye but we will meet again up in Heaven someday and you can introduce me to your 7 penguin brother/sisters

Sweet little babies, Mommy does love you and thanks you for being able to provide all you have in the short time we had together.

The Finale entry

Dear little triplets, or should I say dear my precious girls: Oh how I really wish I could have met you on this earth. But I have known since I lost you that you were meant to be guarding angels for Daddy and I and for a brother or sister that will be here on this earth with us. I now know three of my angels’ names. They are Sunset (Baby A), Hope (Baby B), and Erika (Baby C)

Sunset -Daddy gave you that name after I got call about the testing that they did on you. The test said that you were a girl. Grandpa Jim would have bought you anything you wanted, I know it. We were told that they were only able to test one baby and since your heart stopped a week after your sisters and I was further along with you, we figure that it was you they tested.

Hope- Daddy gave you the nickname of Hope when I was still pregnant for you because we had hope that you would pull through and your heartbeat would get stronger, but it never did.

Erika- Mommy gave you your name. You have the name first because of something that happened before Mommy was even born. Uncle Steve at the age of 5 and Aunt Tracy at the age of 3 decided one night at the dinner table to pray for a baby brother, then a few weeks later Grandma Eileen found out she was pregnant with Mommy. The whole pregnancy Grandma and Grandpa thought Mommy was a boy and his name was going to be Eric John. Mommy always wonder why she was not named Erika, so she named you Erika instead. Also a week after Mommy found out she was pregnant and two weeks before your heart stopped, Mommy had a college friend named Erika who pass away, and so you are also name in honor of her. I hope that my friend Erika is holding you. She is also why I gave you the spelling of Erika with a K and not C.

So my girls, I found out on my birthday that all three of you were test and not just Sunset. Since the test confirmed Sunset was a girl, it meant that all three of you were girls.  My Girls, I will love you forever and you will always be my angel girls. Thank you for what you have done and I know you are watching out for us.

Before I end this journal and write that last sentence I would like to ask you to watch over our last penguin. I am not sure if I should call him/her your big brother/sister or little brother/sister because they were conceived and adopted before you, but it is in the freezer at a blastocyst Please watch over your brother/sister as we do this last transfer in January/February.  Thank you.

Love Mommy 

August 25^th 2015

Dear Girls.

I cannot believe it has been a year since I found out I was pregnant with you. A lot has happen in that year. The last embryo that we had left did not survive the thaw so we were unable to do the last transfer. Now there is  one more baby penguin for you to play with in heaven. I know I was right that you were meant to be guarding angels for Daddy and me and for a brother or sister that would be here on this earth with us. I know that you helped to bring Leon, your adopted brother, to us, and I know that you are watching over him every day. I know that Leon's adoption would not have happened without the three of you. Leon’s birth parents found out that he was a boy around the same time that I found out I was pregnant with you three, and when we got the call to adopt two month old Leon it was the around the time I should have been having you three. Today I got a call from our lawyer: our court date to finalized Leon’s adoption and give him our last name is one year to the day that I found out that Sunset's (baby A) heart had stopped beating and we had lost all three of you. Oh girls, I think of you every day but now I think of you as Leon’s Special Angels.

Love Mommy