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The Story Our
Embryo Adoption- We call our embryo baby Penguins
Dear my Beloved baby Penguins, l never got meet you. I never
heard your heart beat, I never saw an ultrasound of you, or even a picture of
you as an embryo. Although I had no genetic connection to you, I still feel
like your mommy. I have been your mommy since May 9, 2013 when I got the phone
call from our embryo adoption agency that we had been picked to be the parents
of eight embryos. I wanted to do my very best to give you all the best chance
at life that you could. It was a one year and half battle to do my best for
you, but in then end sadly we lost all eight of you. Just know, Penguins, that Mommy loves you
a lot and wishes she could have met you in person.
Let me
start from the being how we got started on embryo adoption. In April 2012, I met
a friend from high school for coffee and she told me that she and her husband
were doing embryo adoption. They had a biological son that was born with a
genetic disorder and were doing embryo adoption to have another child. She told me
how excited she was about it and how she was excited that she could carry their
adoption child. I thought to myself that sounded weird but ok. She had told me
that they had just signed up with a Christian Embryo Adoption agency and was
waiting to get matched. At the time I was about to start to do IUI, and had no
idea that we would try twice and be unsuccessful both times.
After
our last failed IUI, we moved on to look at IVF. I was talking to my friend
about us doing IVF, and she told me what a great gift it would be if we donated
any embryo we had leftover to another family. She had told us a little bit
about their donor family and why the family picked them. At that time we were
told I had unexplained infertility so we thought IVF would work. But just as we
were about to start the medication for IVF, my doctor tested my egg quality and
said that we only had a 5% chance of a pregnancy with IVF. After that, I called
my friend and told her what the doctor had told us. She talk to us again about
embryo adoption. We thought about it and I called a national number for embryo
adoption I found online. The guy I talked to gave us the name and number of a
Christian Embryo Adoption Agency in Washington State, where we lived. I called the agency on Dec 3 2012. After getting off the phone I was so excited
and we talked about it. We decided this was our best way to have a child. We
could still go through with the pregnancy and we knew from having a home
daycare that genetics did not matter because we loved the daycare kids as we
would love our own children.
In January 2013 we had our home study done to do embryo
adoption. Our home study took some time to get done because my fingerprints for
the FBI background check were just not readable, so we had to do my fingerprints
three times. We finally got it figured out.
When our social work came to do our home visit it was kind of funny because
with the home daycare we have to have safety lock on all the cupboards and drawers,
and we have to have a fire extinguisher and a fire escape plan that is posted.
This all stuff that she usually talk to couples about but we already had it all
because of the daycare. I think we were one of the first families that had it
all done ahead of time.
After our home study, we were set to get matched. We met
with Maria at our embryo adoption agency at the end of April. She greeted us
with words we thought we would not hear for at least four more month: “Great
news! I mailed off your profile book this morning to a family.” Daddy (Sean) and I look at each other and was
like WHAT! That was fast.
We were told by the clinic where we were going to do IVF
with that we could not do our embryo transfer there because they did not except
embryos from other clinic and they did not have an embryo adoption program at
the time. So Little Penguins, we chose to do our transfer at the clinic that
your mommy and daddy first used and you were there just waiting for us on ice.
That is how you got the name the “penguins”: because you were chilling on ice.
The day I got the phone call that we were picked I will
never forget in a million years. I was baking muffins to give to the moms of my
daycare kids as a thank you for being so understand and supportive us that
year. We had to close the day care often because of the IUI and IVF appointments,
and I know that there were more appointments and days I would have to be closed
while doing the embryo adoption stuff.
As I was taking heart shape muffins out of the oven my phone rang. It
was Maria saying she had great news: the family had picked us. They had eight embryos
for us and had had one son from the embryos. She told us more about the family
too. I called Daddy (Sean) to tell him the great news right way. He was excited
too.
I will also never forget the day I got the family profile. I
had just got home from Western Washington from my doctor appointment. I was so
excited that I was in the same building that you were in. But I got home the
family profile was waiting for me. Daddy was not at the doctor appointment with
me at the clinic because he had to work, so he gotten the mail that day and had
the picture of the son laying out for me to see. That picture was the first
thing I saw after my four hour drive home. I thought Daddy was playing a trick on me and had laid out a old picture of my oldest nephew Bryce. As I
look at the picture closer I realized that Bryce never had a sweatshirt that
the boy in the picture was wearing. The boy in the picture was not Bryce but
the son of our donor family: your full brother. I looked at the picture of him around
age two and noticed that the picture look a lot like one of me at the same age.
Thats when I just knew that you, little penguins, were meant to be our babies. We
had already decide that we going to take whatever embryo we were given. But
after see the family profile there was nothing to think about.
We were ready to schedule our first transfer for the first
day available. After all, that July would mark six years of trying to add a
child to our family. We got August 7 as our transfer date. I thought that is a
great date it is a month after our wedding anniversary. So August 7, 2013 was our big day to get
pregnant. When we showed up at the clinic they told us that they thawed out 4
of you even though we asked for two to thawed.
We stayed at my best friend house the night before and a few days after
so that I could rest and two of you could have a good chance at implanting. I was so
excited and thought no matter what, I’m pregnant with twin. I really, really,
really, wanted twins. Then August 16 was the day of the blood test. We had to
drive down to the Tri-Cities to do the blood test because we did not really
know if there was any place in Sunnyside beside the hospital to do it. We also
knew that the hospital charged three time as much so we did not want to go
there, so we went to the Tri-Cities. We hung around the Tri-Cities because we
were going to see friend and had a family reunion to go to later that day. We
went to brunch, then we went to the mall and walked around. We thought about
seeing a movie but we did not want to miss the phone call telling us we were
pregnant. The friend we were going to
see was not off work yet, so we went to a park and were going to walk around
when my phone rang. The nurse start off by saying “I’m so sorry but you are not
pregnant”. As soon as she said that I
gave daddy (Sean) a thumbs down. He
started crying right way. After calling
family and e-mailing Maria at the embryo adoption agency, I went in the
bathroom at the park and ripped of the estrogen patches that I had on to help
you grow.
We know right away we need to try again. We were all set but
the end of September we found out I need to get my gallbladder out so we had to
wait a few months. We set up for a December 12, 2013 transfer. We were so sure,
little penguins that this was the transfer that was going to work. We would get
our twin penguins, we just knew it. We
had heard from people that their first transfer failed but their second one
took and they got twins. We just knew this the time. So we went for the
transfer once again. We were hoping they would thaw out two but they thawed out
four again. One of the embryos did not make the thaw and two did and they got
transferred in to me and the one was left they said it was a compacting and
they were questioning it. Part of me wanted
to just ask them to transfer all three of you that were left but I thought to
myself, “No; if they all take, a triplet pregnancy would be hard.” That day we
drive back to Sunnyside. Daddy had to work the next day and the clinic told us
it was ok to drive the four hours home, so we did. Then I got the most
surprising phone call from the clinic: our last little penguin that they
questioned had grown to a full blastocyst and they wanted to know if we wanted to
re-freeze it, and we said yes. We thought “wow, we have one fighter on our
hands.” Then December 23, 2013 was the big day for the blood test. We went down
to the Tri-cities again. Then I don’t remember what we did after that but we
went to a friend’s place to have dinner with them. That is when we got the
phone call. I made Daddy (Sean) answer because the last time I answered the
phone the test was negative so I thought this time if he answer the phone the
test would be positive. But I was wrong; it was negative once again. This time
the first person I called was Maria at our embryo adoption agency. We said a
prayer for our penguins that were lost.
At that point I did not know if I could take another transfer. My hips
hurt so bad from the shots of the first two transfers, how could I do a third
transfer?
Ok, my last little penguin, you were the only one left. I knew
that since you were still alive that you were a fighter and you were going to
be my stubborn one. We were going to butt heads in your toddler days and Daddy
and you would butt heads in your teenage days. And we would love you anyway
because you are our child. I was sure you were a red head little boy because
red heads are very stubborn. Your transfer date would be just over thirteen months
after you were put back on ice, and we had overcome all the obstacles people face
on this journey. We were sure there would be no more obstacles. We are the
champions and we would win and have one healthy baby in our arms. Unfortunately,
we were so wrong. See Penguin, there this man: his name is Murphy and he has a
law: If anything can go wrong, it will go wrong. My grandpa Fred was a big fan
of Murphy and his law and I heard about this law many times growing up. So now we have obstacles that even made the doctors
are puzzled.
Our last obstacle began in January 2014. Maria at our embryo
adoption agency and I talked and we decided that since the clinic you were at
did not do ultrasound for transfers that it would be best to move you to a
clinic that did, and Daddy (Sean) agreed. So on January 21, 2014, I met with
our new doctor, and went through everything to become a patient there. Then in
March I called to see what we needed to do to be able to do a July transfer.
They want me to re-do some yearly tests because it been a year since doing
them. One test they had me do was a CMV test. CMV is a common virus that most
people get in childhood, and the virus only active once but can stay active for
6 months. So in March I tested positive for the virus. We were told not to
worry because we still had time until July. Then in May I tested positive again.
I began to worry because I had to be on medication for almost two months before
the transfer, so July transfer was postponed. I retested in July and the virus
was still there so the September transfer that we so hopeful was now off. Our
new plan was to retest in October and go from there because the virus is only
active for 6 months and it should be gone by then. But in life, plans do not
always work out. In the end of August I found out against all the odds in the
world that I had gotten pregnant naturally: with triplets. We had been told we
would never get pregnant on our own, let alone get pregnant with triplets. That
had the doctor stumped. Sadly your three sisters (by adoption) hearts stopped
beating at almost eight weeks. We did tests that confirmed they had chromosome
disorders and that’s how we knew they were girls. But because I was pregnant
and the CMV test kept coming up positive for CMV, my OB sent me to a specialist.
He ran a detailed test that showed that the CMV had never been active and most
likely it was in childhood that I had had CMV. There the other obstacle that the
doctor was just stumped on: why did I test positive for CMV during a general test
but with the detailed one I test negative?
We thought after the miscarriage we were all set to go
forward. I thought that triplets’ purpose was to clear up the CMV and to prove
that I can get pregnant: that is why we lost them so early. We are getting
already to do the last transfer when we found out that, because of the triplets,
I had scar tissue and would need surgery on my uterus to be able to do the
transfer. After I got through the
surgery, everything was great and we are set to start medication for the last transfer.
I responded great to the medication to get my body ready for
transfer just like I did the other two times. We saw the doctor on January 21,
2015: one year to the day of my first appointment at that clinic. The doctor checked
my lining to make sure everything was good. So January 29th was set
as the day of transfer in Seattle. We drove over the night and stayed at my
parents’ house which is 45 minutes away from the clinic. Dear Penguin, this part is just heart breaking.
As we walked into the building that houses the clinic, the clinic called. I
thought “This can’t be good.” They told us that you didn’t survive the thaw so
there would be no transfer after all. And you were our stubborn one. Daddy (Sean)
started to cry as soon as I told him the transfer was off and you did not
survive. I’m so sorry. I tried to fight so hard for you and I did everything in
my power I could do.
We have been given the option by the agency to rematch with
embryo but at this time we are not planning it. I am not sure if I have any
more fight in me after the past year. We are, however trying to pursue private
domestic adoption. If anyone were to ask
us if they should try embryo adoption, we would tell them yes, even with the
outcomes that we had. We believe that every embryo deserves a chance at life
and we did our very best to give that to you eight, and we love you. Because of
you eight, I run an embryo adoption/donation support group on Facebook.
So you eight penguins, I would like to ask you to please be
my guardian angels and watch over me and Daddy. I sure hope those triplets are
our guardian angels too. I like to think I have 11 angel babies watching over
me. I love you all and I’m so thankful
to the family that let us adopt you.
